Monday, September 28, 2009


This past weekend has been anything but restful for me.... After my long night thursday I had a full day friday. Zoey had a Pageant in Atlanta so it was coach time for me. I was exhausted when we got there, and the events of the night before still bothered me.

I found my self wondering how she went from the girl in the dora dora pajamas to the diva in the dress. I know she's so pretty she hurts.

This weekend was as God filled as it could have been. Before we were even fifteen minutes from home my mother got three tickets. Then the first hotel room had mold in it, the second room had ants in it, and on the way home the battery was dead in the car.
If that wasn't a sign from God I don't know what is.

This weekend more than ever I fully came to terms with what it means to rest in the lord. Between all the running around and chasing Zoey throughout the hotel and going all day long without eating, and then taking a two year old on stage was not exactly my idea of a restful weekend. But we learn to roll with the punches.

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)


Thursday, September 24, 2009


It's 1:50 am.... I haven't been to sleep and probably won't go to sleep. It's almost two am I've had class all day and finished a paper tonight, and yet I know that the mom reading this is thinking nineteen year old girl that I know is up and writing, must be boy trouble and you'd be correct.

I've just come out of the worst kind of storm. The kind your not even aware that your in until it all crashes in around you. I'm writing a book for crying out loud. I should be very aware of the situations that I'm in. I should know better. I am so glad I am not standing in front of my Father right now, I wouldn't want him to see the mess that is me at this moment.

Yet, I didn't. I instead chose to wrap it up in a bow and fool myself into thinking that it might be different. That the work God has done in me would somehow make me able to change him into the man I needed him to be. Here's a helpful hint if it didn't work the first time, or the second time, its not going to work the third time. The only difference this time is I hadn't changed who I am, and wasn't willing to compromise how far i'd come. The same man who said I wasn't the marrying kind, is the same one who has me up at 2 am realizing that I am not in control. I can't do anything on my own, and fixing him is not in God's divine plan for me. So at two am I am handing it over never to take it back again. Putting a block on my phone so that I can't even if I'm tempted. I have the greatest friend ever (SAC) who calls and makes sure that I'm past panic mode. I thank God that she wasn't asleep.

I found myself in the last hour saying Father I dont need any more material. And he whispers this did not come from me.

Somebody reading this knows what I'm talking about. This is one those defining moments. A moment when hitting the delete button on all that God has given me and doing what I had to do, and Refusing to settle in the midst of the storm and waiting for God to pull me out.

I chose to wait.

I am hurting right now, and I'm probably going to get no sleep tonight. But I am so much better off knowing that my God is right here with me. Every tear that happens to fall he catches, and is constantly reminding me how important I am to him and how great his love is for me.

It may hurt me now,but that is a way for my father to bring me something better.
This verse is actually the screen saver on my computer.

Psalms 37:7: Rest in the lord and wait patiently for him.



We all experience it at one point in time or another. It's the worst feeling in the world. And if your like me it can literally shut your body down for anywhere between 5-30 minutes. Yes, we all know that Beth is prone to panic attacks.

Over the last several weeks I've had a few of these violent things and let me tell you i wouldn't jump right to fun. I have however learned that scripture is one of the few things that makes it eaiser to deal with things. I'm going to talk about my teacher Mrs. Ware again, only becasue she said something to me that rings so true. She and I were chatting and she looked at me and said Beth we serve a God who can handle anything we hand to him and we are equipped to handle anything he hands to us. So just hand it over and he will take care of it.

How simple is that and yet I still find myself doubting that the God that helped me yesterday couldn't possibly help me today. During my bible study this week the topic was breaking boundaries. The speaker stated that we all put God in this little box and we carry it around with us everywhere. But our boxes are filled with things he's done for us in the past and we don't usually leave room for him to do new things for us in the future. So the God we serve takes our boxes turns them upside down and shakes them. yall see what Im getting at here.

I know I put him in a box daily and think well I can handle this myself. Which by the way if your trying out this philosophy too let me save you sometime it never works.

I'm going to challenge each of you(including myself) to break some boundaries with God today and everyday for that matter. We have to learn that the God that helped us yesterday, can and will help us today, and tomorrow and for the rest of our lives. IF we let him..

Casting the whole of your care all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5:7

Here's the final thought we serve a God who is just as concerned about our worries and troubles and triumphs as we are. If it concerns us I promise it concerns him.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Walking and Talking

I had lunch with one of my friends this week and she'd brought along one of her own . The conversation went from polite and friendly to absolutely horrid. Now two years ago I would've joined in gladly and probably would've enjoyed every moment of it. However in the last two years God has done alot of work in me, so much in fact I'm surprised he got around to anybody else.

What shocked me the most was that my friend has been in church her entire life, and knows what the bible says about being impure or setting our sights on things of this world. Yet I was the one who was OUT OF PLACE, and very aware of how much the conversation made me feel uncomfortable. They proceeded to give juicy details of their many extravagant experiences with men, and yet I was not provoked to join in. Don't misunderstand I do not do everything right, and I am saddened to say that I do have experience in that area. And yet I was absolutely like a fish out of water in the mist of the conversations surrounding me.

I don't think that I was every so aware of the exact word of God against the very subject they had delighted themselves in talking about. I secretly prayed that he would give me a way to swing the conversation my way without having to become the wet blanket. Almost instantly they began talking about the twilight series and how they longed for a romance like that. I was very quick to point out that they both could have one as long as they were willing to delete sex from the equation of their relationships.
They both looked at me like I had just spoken martian or something and began to laugh. and reply well never mind. I then said well you know what the bible says, not even a hint of immorality between you. they gave me the martian look again,and quickly made excuses to leave.

I left that day thinking of a particular verse: Romans 12:2
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Thank God for allowing me to be so lost in love with him that I have become the alien that he wants me to be.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


Something very interesting happened last night, and the only reason I'm writing about it now is because I know that it had to come directly from God. Lately I've felt like I'm in the wilderness and I'm desperate to get out.

I was watching Joyce Meyers which I don't normally do, I'm more a Sherri Rose and Beth Moore kind of person. But the first part of what Joyce was preaching on was about what we've been thinking lately. Then she started talking about the wilderness. Did you know that the journey the Israelite took was only supposed to take eleven days! yet they wondered around in the desert for forty years. Because they constantly complained. Then joyce said something I hadnt thought of: Your attitude in the wilderness will determine how long you stay in the wilderness. If you complain you will remain if you praise he will raise you out of it.

It's just that simple. We are in control of how we react to different situations. We are in control of how we think about different situations.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


One of my best and truely SOUL'd out friends in christ, Vee Vee, has gotten into the habbit of texting me something inspiring everymorning and today i feel lead to share with you what he sent to me.

The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge, but imagination! God has given us so many gifts.. use them for his Glory. Arrogance leads to failure.

I want to share this amazing experience God gave me last night and really all day yesterday.
I had a panic attack over things once again that I can't control. My teacher J. Ware said something to me yesterday that really hit me and really stuck. She said fortunatly for us we serve a God who can and will carry all our burden's for us. It took a stranger to remind me that he is God and I am not. Oh how amazing that feels to say how liberating it is to say. He is God and I am not.

She also told me that when she was in high school and college she always prayed for her pencil and it calmed her. I thought it was silly and I laughed at her a little. Then today I had my first test in U.S. History Since 1865, and before i started my test I prayed this silly little prayer, " Lord calm my nerves help me to remember what i've learned and a please point my pencil in the right direction. My hand couldn't move fast enough to keep up with the overwhelming knowlegde that seemed to becoming directly out of my pencil.

yall know that I'm terrified of never getting married and at my age it shouldn't really be an issue well last night the almighty sent me an anything but silent message. At my bible study the speaker said we are married to the maker. How amazing was that feeling to me. I am married to the master of the universe. His love for me is so great that he made sure I got to that bible study and heard the speaker say: He will allure us into the wilderness so that we may fall in love with him and he will marry us once and for all our lives. Some of you are probably freaking out right now but it was and is the most incredible feeling I have every felt.

And I will sow her for Myself anew in the land, and I will have love, pity, and mercy for her who had not obtained love, pity, and mercy; and I will say to those who were not My people, You are My people, and they shall say, You are my God! Hosea 2: 23

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Running low

It's one of those days when everything goes wrong.... First i overslept because I was up reading a wonderful book by Francine Rivers. I'm completely in love with everything she writes so thank you aunt debbie for adding more to my reading list.

The work load of this college student has just doubled up a little bit and I'm running low on a lot of things money, time, and faith.

I bought my first Barlowgirl CD yesterday and I was amazed at how much better I felt after I listened to it but it didn't do that for me today. I need more. I didnt have my quiet time today which is not a good thing. My days drag on and on when i dont have one and like most days when I don't start it with my father it has been awful. I need his reassurace and I'm just not TRUSTING him enough to do it. I'm only nineteen and I swear for the last week i've been having hot flashes. I feel a panic attack coming on but i fighting tooth and nail mostly because it's embarrassing and I have enough to worry about other than having a literally body breakdown of epic proportions.

I need a little more faith. I know somebody reading this knows what i'm talking about.
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:1-3)

Here's hoping that somebody needs this as much as i do!

Sunday, September 13, 2009


I feel lead today to write on healing. Over the last few days I've taken stock of my own heartaches and heartbreaks. This week in particular has been a challenge for me.
I don't know if I've said this before, but if I have I'm saying it again. When I graduated highschool this internal alarm went off and it said it's time to find a husband your getting old. Which I now see as ridiculous but at the time it seemed extremely important.
Over the last few weeks it seems like everybody I know has gotten an engagement ring. Which I was thrilled for them don't get me wrong,but at the same time it broke my heart. Which in turn made me feel extremely guilty. I've shared this with my circle many times over the last few weeks but it didn't make me feel any better about it.

This past Thursday was in alot of ways the straw that broke the camel's back, it's the only visual i can come up with at this moment. I had lunch with one of my dearest and she revealed to me that she knew the ring she was getting. I put on a smile and listened as she went on about every detail, and on the inside I was torn into pieces. The moment I had pulled myself back together just in time to go to my next class, I had just enough time to sit down and say I swear if one more person gets engaged I do believe I will lose it. You all know just how humorous our God is, and the moment I said that I should've known that he would show me.

Three minutes later another dear friend came and sat down and shoved her hand in my face. I felt like I had been shot with a .38. She told me the whole story and I smiled and put on the most elaborate mask of my life. meanwhile one of my ex's text me and wanted to know what I was doing and I had no problem telling him that i was looking at yet another ring on another friends finger. he thought it was funny, i did not. He then sent the words that put me over the edge: you still think your the marrying kind. ......... I got so upset my nose started bleeding. All feeling had literally left my body. I cried the entire way home.

As is my pattern my circle were the first people to attempt to console me. It's not that I'm jealous or mad that they have seemingly found happiness already. As a woman of God, and living the life I'm living and following God's instructions I couldn't help but think where's mine?

I'm using this verse to help heal the open wound. Maybe it will do some good for one of you too.

Psalms 147:3; He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.


Wednesday, September 9, 2009


I want you all to know that I am doing an amazing bible study at my church called One in a Million. Last night God was speaking directly to me.

I was tired of being tested and feeling like I failed in someway. Situations that I thought I was done with, relationships I thought were over seemed to all at once be coming to the front line right in front of my face. I couldn't help but think I did not sign on for this. Amazingly that is what the bible study was on last night. It's a Priscilla Shirer, and she said those exact words God this is not what I signed on for. What spoke to me was that we are all in either one of three places we are about to go into the wilderness, we are in the wilderness, or we are just coming out of the wilderness. Which is so true.
The same God that helped me yesterday, can and will help me today. I needed to hear that and I hope somebody else needed to hear that to. We are all in the wilderness of life. God intends for us to be in the wilderness. you wanna know why now right. When we are faced with what seems to be impossible situations and if God doesn't do something we are going to be in a mess then we have no choice but to simply say God please take this I can't do it.
And in reality he wants us to do just that. Hand him every little thing that we need and I promise he will give you what you need. What if? Shouldn't even be in our vocabulary. But it is.

I needed to hear that. I have been literally scared and afraid for about two weeks now and I was at the point where I was just going to give in. Yet through his tender love he showed me that I'm still here. I have not handed you more than you can handle. Do what I told you to do and I will take care of the rest.

But he told me: "My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak." So I will brag even more about my weaknesses in order that Christ's power will live in me. Therefore, I accept weakness, mistreatment, hardship, persecution, and difficulties suffered for Christ. It's clear that when I'm weak, I'm strong. (2 Corinthians 12.-9-10)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I learned a long time ago that fear and faith can't go exist and that sometimes you have to literally swallow fear and take a step forward in faith.

As you can probably already tell faith is going to be the topic of conversation today.

When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted. Psalm 138:3

Eventhough I know that God is faithful and will never leave me it still renders me speechless that he is so faithful to me when I'm not always faithful to him. I think that most of you will be able to relate to what I'm saying. I've been more fearful and therefore faithless in the last two weeks than I have been for most of my life. Things got rocky as they often do in life and the mess got bigger and just when I thought I'd forgotten something God showed me well no your still holding on to it just a little bit. I'm shaking now writing this.

In moments of weakness the man downstairs take advantage and if you let him he will take over. i've done some absolutly horrible things when I was scared. This is the one time that I can truthfully say that I didn't look for the fastest way out. I actually searched scripture and let God show me what to do. I did at times get discouraged and dismayed but I'm still standing on the promises of God. I want you to remember that as you go through the day and life well life happens and place that verse in your mind that he will answer you. I find it so comforting to know that no matter what else falls apart my God will never leave me to fight my battles alone.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

In case any of you were wondering why I haven't posted since thursday, let me help you. Friday morning I had wisdom teeth removed and now look like a chipmunk. I am thankful that God saw fit to be merciful with me and did not allow me to be in a tremendous amount of pain. at least not physically.

I want to talk about bondage today, and let me clarify this by stating that I mean spiritual bondage not physical bondage. As I wrote a couple of days ago, I've been struggling with a conflict that I thought I'd handed over to God. Through his wisdom he showed me that maybe he wasn't done with that situation.

In the last couple of weeks I don't mind sharing that I have become very aware of when and how God is moving and bringing things to me. In his own way he's shown me that there are a few things that I haven't completely dealt with and therefore however insignificant they may seem they still inhibit my growth with my Father. If I allow it to it can and will destroy me inside and out. Through the unfailing love of my king and eternal savior I have come to know the steps I need to take in order to grow with him, and be free.

Daniel 6:27; He sets people free and saves them. He does miraculous signs and wonders. He does them in the heavens and on the earth. He has saved david from the power of the lions."

I can not believe the overwhelming feeling the God has filled me with and the knowledge that he truely has everything under control.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Rebuilding and Healing

This is not exactly what I intended to post today and yet somehow God has shown me that I will fix your relationships but in my time not yours.

How many of us have said ok Lord if it's not your will to fix this, then please show me how to let it go.. can't be just me... and how many of us have gone a few months and then finally we hand it to him and we're so relieved and feel so much better and all is right with the world..... then he hands is back.

I've never handed him anything and had him hand it back to me. Until yesterday. I'm not going pretend that my initail reaction wasn't a horrible one. The gut reaction I recieved was one of feeling sick. I couldn't understand why he had handed it back to me. Then today I was despirately searching for a verse in the bible on confilcts with brothers in christ and thanks to the wonderful Cheryl I found my answer in Matthew 18:15-16:If your brother sins against you,[a] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.

Sometimes we have to help ourselves by following God's words exactly and then only then will he deliever what we ask.

In the moment of panic I thought my father had forgotten me and was somehow punishing me. Yet I have learned that he was only showing his child in his mercyfull and loving way that I skipped a step and you can't hand it to me until you do exactly what I've told you to do.

The moral of the story is read your directions nad you can't go wrong especially when it's the direct word of God.