Sunday, September 13, 2009


I feel lead today to write on healing. Over the last few days I've taken stock of my own heartaches and heartbreaks. This week in particular has been a challenge for me.
I don't know if I've said this before, but if I have I'm saying it again. When I graduated highschool this internal alarm went off and it said it's time to find a husband your getting old. Which I now see as ridiculous but at the time it seemed extremely important.
Over the last few weeks it seems like everybody I know has gotten an engagement ring. Which I was thrilled for them don't get me wrong,but at the same time it broke my heart. Which in turn made me feel extremely guilty. I've shared this with my circle many times over the last few weeks but it didn't make me feel any better about it.

This past Thursday was in alot of ways the straw that broke the camel's back, it's the only visual i can come up with at this moment. I had lunch with one of my dearest and she revealed to me that she knew the ring she was getting. I put on a smile and listened as she went on about every detail, and on the inside I was torn into pieces. The moment I had pulled myself back together just in time to go to my next class, I had just enough time to sit down and say I swear if one more person gets engaged I do believe I will lose it. You all know just how humorous our God is, and the moment I said that I should've known that he would show me.

Three minutes later another dear friend came and sat down and shoved her hand in my face. I felt like I had been shot with a .38. She told me the whole story and I smiled and put on the most elaborate mask of my life. meanwhile one of my ex's text me and wanted to know what I was doing and I had no problem telling him that i was looking at yet another ring on another friends finger. he thought it was funny, i did not. He then sent the words that put me over the edge: you still think your the marrying kind. ......... I got so upset my nose started bleeding. All feeling had literally left my body. I cried the entire way home.

As is my pattern my circle were the first people to attempt to console me. It's not that I'm jealous or mad that they have seemingly found happiness already. As a woman of God, and living the life I'm living and following God's instructions I couldn't help but think where's mine?

I'm using this verse to help heal the open wound. Maybe it will do some good for one of you too.

Psalms 147:3; He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.


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