Thursday, July 29, 2010

Please forgive me but i have to say it

I am breaking a commandment by even typing this but i have to say it.

I am on the verge of hating my mother. which I know sounds a little dramatic but that's how i feel. I see other mothers and the way they are with their children and i have to wonder what i ever did wrong to not deserve that from mine.

Did i cry too much as a baby, was I not what she thought I would be, and why in the world can i talk to everybody else and make complete sense and then I try to talk to her and at the end of my statement she says you were talking to fast I couldn't understand you. How does everybody else understand me but her. She is supposed to be the one who knows me the best and yet she seems to know me the least. How is that even possible? I was in her womb for crying out loud, and yet she doesnt seem to know me at all.

Just like today prime example. She couldnt' tell that I am spiritually and morally torn to pieces over some elicit text messages between myself and a male friend of mine. And she hasn't said one word, and doesnt seem to notice anything. and yet the moment i say hello to someone else the first question i was asked was what's wrong, is something going on you sound funny. And i'm the world's worst at hidding my emotions or even attempting to camoflague them it's always written all over my face.

Am i missing something here? If i'm being just a tad bit whiney somebody tell me.