Tuesday, February 23, 2010


I learned a very valuable lesson today.... I am a horrible person.

I never in a million years thought that I would be back where I started. I hurt somebody today without even realzing it until it was pointed out. THe conversation lasted 47 seconds, it took 47 seconds for my world to come crashing down around me.

I can apologize till im blue in the face and that doesnt change anything. I love this person dearly, I pray for her more than I pray for myself. And yet I let my hurt feelings get in the way,and instead of clearing things up before they got ugly It just got bigger and bigger with the casualties at two first her then me. It's all the strength I can must to get this out now, so that the other 23 people in the room dont see my ghost white face stained by the tears that are steadily trickling down my face. I can not believe that after all I learned i feel liike I'm back at the starting line.

What have I really learned if I let my emotions get in the way. there is no excuse for it and no reason for it either. I have hurt someone and I swore never again would I intentionally hurt somebody but apparently i did today without even realizing it. how selfish is that How do you hurt somebody and not even realize it until they point it out in a tearful less than a minute conversation.

Lamentations 3:22-24

The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


I know I'm a horrible blogger. It's been forever since i've posted.

I had the greatest experience at bible study last night. The wonderful Kay Authur spoke specifically to me last night. Over the last 6 weeks I have done things with my God that I thought I would never do. I let go of my demons, and allowed some healing to begin.

Last night I cried the whole time. Kay's soft words came off the screen and spoke directly to me. " If you will stop whinning and let God work he will use your sin to help someone else, he will use you and reddem you." Aunt Debbie was sitting behind me and not beside me for once, and the moment those words hit her ears she was poking me with a pen. Only for me to turn around and say I heard her.

She was speaking to me, and even if I'm the only one who got something as significant as what I got. I got more last night from Kay then I'd gotten in the last six weeks from Percilla and Beth Moore.

In the last couple of weeks I have learned more about the strong holds I had layed out for myself. The smallest things make the greatest difference. Letting things go and saying what hasn't been said for so long is the most freeing experience I have ever had.

Matthew 5:44-45
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous