Thursday, November 12, 2009


Sometimes in life we need someone that we love to make us choose.

I had to learn this lesson the hard way this week. I have been in love with someone for almost a year now and I didn't realize that until I had my heart walked over yet again. And had been completely shattered yet again.

By now yall all know that I love aunt debbie to pieces. As well as KD. Both of them were within arms reach when the bottom dropped out tuesday. I cried until I had mascara at my chin, and coudln't see three feet in front of my face. I cried until i got sick, and until my head hurt more than my heart did. i dont even think I was mad at him for making me feel that horrible. I was more mad at the fact that I had allowed him to just walk back into my life like nothing bad had ever happened before.

As a daughter in the Kingdom of God and as part of the family of God. i should have known better. Yet i walked right into again. Like I hadn't learned anything at all from his past behavior. Almost like I had forgiven and completely forgotten about all of it.

Now on to the ultamitum part. While attempting to drive to class still in shambles and utterly heartbroken KD was once again the voice of reason. Making me choose between the two him or her. Wasn't a hard choice I love her to pieces, and do not even want ot imagine not being able to pick up the phone and call her .(been there done that)

obviously the guy didn't win this battle but i have to wonder did I want him becasue he wanted me or because I was terrified that nobody else would want me and he was the last one?

Psalms 62:1-2; My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

I pray that I will always remember this even when it seems impossible to me.