Frustration

With the help of my "hurricane mom" I realized something today. Life isn't fair. Don't sit there and go duh.. I'm serious. I never realized how complicated that statement was until today.

We were having on of our usual conversations you know the kind that starts out casual and then ends up with one preaching to the other. just your A typical conversation between christain women. When she said you know the more time you spend analyzing and watching the things in life that you want that dont have pretty soon that's all your doing. Which is absolutly correct. I've always wanted a relationship that I will never have, the close knit relationship with my mom. And no amount of me analyzing and comparing, and just down right complaining is ever going to change that.

However, I feel very humbled right now. Not only did God send me one mom he sent me ten. What started out as five has slowly grown to ten. Some closer than others actually 5 closer than the rest. What i needed he supplied plus ten times more than I could have ever expected and he brought them in at the exact moments i needed them . Whether they realize it or not they have played tremendous roles in the craziness that is my life. And while there have been rocky points. Somehow things seems to develop better and deeper after a storm usually of my causing.

I realized something else today. that was not so thrilling. I have absolutly no idea who I am..... that's a bad place to be on the walk with God. that's a bad place to be period. As loud and opinionated as I am you'd think I know the answer to that but 'I really have no idea and that scares me. My mini-nervous breakdown yesterday brought somethings to my attention that I'd rather have left where they were. After all I've been through, and everything I've learned have I really pushed me away so long that I can't retrieve it? That can't be possible. I'm so confused right now and I'm not sure what to do.......